FROM THE INSIDE OUT
"Who are you people anyway?" ~Jay H., San Bernadino
want to know, Jay? OK, you asked:
We are dynamic figures, often seen scaling walls and giving away free cotton candy. We have been known to remodel bus stations on our lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. We write award-winning operas, and manage our time efficiently. Occasionally, we tread water for fun. We woo others with our sensuous sax playing, and can pilot unicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. We bake 15-minute biscuits in 7.5 minutes. We are experts in stucco, and outlaws in Bermuda.
Using only a nailclipper and 2 half full beer cans, we once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious venus fly traps. We play bluegrass harp, and were scouted by the Bucs. We are the subject of numerous documentaries. When we're bored, we build large suspension bridges with tinker toys. We also enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, we repair toasters, free of charge, from 9-1.
We are abstract artists, plastic container analysts, and ruthless backgammon players. Critics worldwide swoon over our original line of naughahide formal wear. We don't perspire, much. We are private citizens, yet we receive fan mail. We have all been caller number nine 7 times. Last summer we toured Rhode Island with a traveling flea circus demonstration. Our acclaimed floral
arrangements have earned us fame in international botanical circles. Children love us. Tree frogs fear us. We invented the internet (not Al Gore).
We can hurl office chairs at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. We once read War and Peace, Moby Dick, and Tales of Pooh all in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire bathroom that evening. We know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket, and have performed several covert operations for the CIA. We sleep once a week; and when we do sleep, it's in a chair. While on vacation in Miami, we successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small shoe repair shop. The laws of physics do not apply to us.
We balance, we weave, we dodge, we frolic, and our bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, we participate in full-contact origami. Years ago we discovered the meaning of life but someone forgot to write it down. We have made extraordinary four course meals using only tofu, jelly beans, parsley, and a toaster oven.
We breed prizewinning feral cats. We have won bullfights in Mexico, sewing competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. We have all played Hamlet, and have performed open-heart surgery. We have skydived from 17,000', and 3 of us have even spoken with Elvis. And lastly, we run ItsYourJobNow.com.
Thanks for asking... ;-) I hope that helped!
'Twas the night before the interview...
...and all through the house, the interviewee wasn't sleeping, not even an ounce.
His resume was written on his computer with care, in hopes that a job offer soon would be there.
While laying his clothes out neatly upon his big bed, visions of screwing things up danced in his head.
With he in his boxers, and the dog in his lap, he fretted and worried about all sorts of crap.
When right out of the darkness who dared to appear, but the Ghost of Interviews Past, just to add to his fears.
The visitor startled him so that he made such a clatter, when in jumping to his feet, he tipped over his platter.
But as quick as the ghost had appeared, he was gone in a flash. And the bump to his shin had made quite a gash.
He gazed out of the window at the new-fallen snow
which gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear, but a job with great pay, car allowance, and even a 401k.
With the whole thing happening, so lively and quick,
he knew in a moment it must some trick.
More rapid than eagles his paranoia came, as he whistled, and shouted, and called out to his references by name;
"Now Johnson, now Mitchell, now Cramer and Simpson!
On Franklin, on Thompson, on Ivey and Plimpton!
Just help me reach to the top and not fall. Then I will thank you profusely, before you dash away all!"
Ho Ho... Huh?
Quiz for Professionals
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional."
The questions are NOT that difficult...
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?" (Wrong Answer)
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
I'm off the see the Wizard
Well, not exactly, but I will be out of the office the rest of the week, attending AFLAC's National Sales & Marketing Conference in Atlanta. ...We (ItsYourJobNow.com) are proud to be 'preferred vendors' of theirs (our second year in a row). Of course, HotJobs, CareerBuilder, and Monster will be there too, so the competition for business is fierce.
I'm good at chatting things up, and I am extremely enthusiastic about this company (AFLAC), as well as IYJN, which earns me the priviledge of being unchained from my desk for several days to take a road trip, and work somewhere else.
Did you realize that not only do they have really cute commercials, but AFLAC is also, according to Fortune, one of the top 50 companies to work for in America?! It's true, and I know why... The company knows how to treat their people the way people want to be treated (not to mention that they make $ hand over fist). We have met AFLAC people who have been with the company for 25 and 30+ years. That is simply unheard of in this day and time, wouldn't you say?
If I'm ever looking for a new sales job, that is where I'll be. If you are seeking a really rewarding and prestigious sales career, with tons of company support & benefits, go to ItsYourJobNow.com, and search jobs in sales, wherever you are. Or, look for the "Featured Jobs" list on our home page, and view them all at once, with one click. AFLAC jobs are available nationwide.
OK, that's my 'plug for the day' on one of my favorite employers. See you all next week!
An Email From God
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the inappropriate behavior that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. When the angel returned, he told God. "Yes, it is bad on Earth, 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said. "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel sent him to Earth for a time.
When that angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."
God was not pleased.
So while he was debating what to do about the 95%, He decided to email the 5% that were good to encourage them - give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that email said?
I didn't get one either!
Can anyone explain the term eRecruiting to me?
Having been a former independent recruiter, and now in business development for ItsYourJobNow.com (for a total of about 15 years), you'd think I'd "get it", wouldn't you?
Finding candidates (whether on or off line) through advertising, hasn't a whole lot to do with actual recruiting. Sure, it's a great aid for finding people who are looking for jobs where you are posting them, but "recruiting" doesn't begin to take place until you actually speak with someone you've found.
In fact, recruiting, in my day (wow, I sound old, huh?), meant calling on my client's competition to seek out qualified people for a specific job, and being able to turn them into an actual candidate for my client. (Most of us didn't even know what the internet was back then.) The majority of my placements came from people who weren't even thinking about changing jobs until I called on them with a better opportunity. ...That, and through networking for referrals, with people I had stayed in touch with through previous searches (whether I had ever placed them personally or not).
This now-not-so-new media (online employment advertising) is a great tool that most people are now using, even job searchers who are already employed and only searching passively for a better opportunity. I wish it were available as a tool to me when I was recruiting, but it wasn't.
So, what is
recruiting exactly? Turn your computer off for a month, and you will find out real quick. (The telephone is still a recruiter's #1 best friend.) Running ads isn't what fills jobs. Knowing how to sell your opportunity
to people once you find them is.
Don't confuse one with the other, and you'll do OK. ;-)
You know who I really like? (Don't laugh.)...
Dr. Phil is totally cool. He has "the power of duh" down to a science. I love every reply and comment I have ever heard him make to those who write to him with some kind of problem. And have you seen his wife? Well, she's prettier'n a speckled bird dog pup. (No, not something I heard him say, but it sounds like him, huh?)
Dr. Phil is neat, because he's this smart, successful, and sophisticated guy that's really just 'plain folk', and the answers he gives and the messages he delivers are just so darned simple and down-to-earth. I picture him reading his viewer's mail, and the seemingly endless problems that people have (which, to them, seem very complex) ...and I picture Dr. Phil, numerous times a day, saying "Duh. Are you sure you were born on this
planet?" ...But he means it in a very nice way, of course.
If we could all stand back (sometimes way back), and look at our "problems" from a different perspective, we'd likely hear the sound of duh, resounding all over the world, as problems everywhere just disappeared.
If we could all approach life like Dr. Phil... well, I guess he probably wouldn't have so many viewers, for one